My gay friend & i work at a clothes store. He was attracted to a customer & wasn’t sure if he was also gay. I told him it’s a clothes store-go ask him if he’s looking for tops or bottoms. Julie Drake[Continue reading] about Sometimes your gaydar is off….
I took my kids over to my mother’s place for dinner. The kids got excited when she said there was Jell-O for dessert. However their excitement quickly turn to disappointment when they saw that she had put carrots in the Jell-O. That’s an awful trick to play on kids. It’s kind of like telling them […][Continue reading] about Mom used to cook for a hospital cafeteria
SOME CHRISTIANS DON’T BELIEVE IN GLOBAL WARMING. WEIRD….. THEY BELIEVE IN A HOT PLACE YOU GO TO AFTER MAKING A LOT OF MISTAKES[Continue reading] about Global Warming vs. Christians
I find that my attractiveness is directly proportional to how available a certain drink is in an area. The drink? Diet Mountain Dew. I’m a West Virginia 9. In NYC, you can get it; but it’ll take some work. Same with me. Pete Stegemeyer @itspeterj[Continue reading] about Just gotta be thirsty enough
I read online today that more and more people are naming their daughters Khaleesi. There is no character In Game of Thrones named Khaleesi. It’s a character’s title in the show. At best it means “Horse Queen.” At worst it means “Sex Slave.” Those are your two options. I have figured out the people I […][Continue reading] about I’m gonna name my kid Hot Pie.
Masturbation is like Ramen. If you have to do it it’s depressing. If you choose to do it. It’s the best thing in the world. Mike Logan @lcecoldcomedian[Continue reading] about Masturbation is like…..
Never own a truck. I bought a truck once and immediately my sister asked me to help her move. I really let her have it, I mean she never helps me with anything. She just lays around getting fat. It’s all her fault, she could move herself if she hadn’t been texting and driving. Scott […][Continue reading] about What in the world ever became of sweet Jane?
Recently I got a vasectomy and my friends keep asking me, “What if you decide you want to have kids?” Look. I have an identical twin brother…who’s been on Jerry Springer. That kid wasn’t going to be mine no matter how much it looked like me. @TysonCoxComedy[Continue reading] about I can’t even dance when its not mine.
Greyhound is just jail that moves. antoniocomedy.com[Continue reading] about Go Greyhound.Do not pass Go. Do not collect $200.
I was a bully in grade school. One day the teacher tried to teach me a lesson by folding a piece of paper. Saying each fold was something hurtful and even unfolded you can still see the damage. She made me keep the paper. I took it home, ironed it, and turned it in like […][Continue reading] about Still turned out alright
The next time somebody comes up to you and tells you that Jesus died for your sins go like this: What? He dies?! I was reading that book, man.[Continue reading] about Great now I don’t have to read it
Austin isn’t weird. Portland isn’t weird. Cities full of fake-smart comfortable white liberals with owl tattoos aren’t weird. They’re boring.[Continue reading] about Portland isn’t weird…
Every single time a man sleeps with a lot of women he’s called a stud, but if a woman sleeps with a lot of men she’s called a slut. People think this is unfair. Nah. It’s completely fair, and I’ll tell you why. It’s fucking easy to be a slut. It’s fucking hard to be […][Continue reading] about Next time a slut attempts to justify her slutty behavior just show her this.
I’m not much for exercise. The last time I experienced a runner’s high was when that dog took off with my baggie of OG Kush. Scott Bolander @scottbolander[Continue reading] about I always get hungry after I run.
I want my last words to be: Andy’s coming, quick act like a toy! @nickohlessa[Continue reading] about Some will marvel at my commitment to a bit.
I love New York but if it was an acronym, it would stand for: “Neurotic Experiences While Overstepping Rats Kissing” Jeremy Kaplowitz | @jeremysmiles[Continue reading] about NYC