If you think you hate ISIS, then imagine being A1-Qaeda, somewhere in a cave, watching ISIS thrive on TV and being like “Stupid Millennials” – @Mohanadelshieky
[Continue reading] about Back in my day…Doug Stanhope on Priests
“With all the horrible, horrible shit that your priest is pumping into your kid’s head, his dick should be the least of your worries, honestly. That’s just a little mouthwash and a few years of therapy will get rid of that. That !esus shit will torture you for a lifetime.” – Doug Stanhope
[Continue reading] about Doug Stanhope on PriestsBeing a step-parent is hard at first.
At first my step-mother didn’t really know her authority when it came to my brother and l. So, she defaulted to the old “just wait unti,l your father comes home’ . Which was fine with me since my father was in the Navy and at sea for six months at a time. Yeah, I’ll wait. […]
[Continue reading] about Being a step-parent is hard at first.Mitch Hedberg 24-02-1968 – 29-03-2005
I SAW A COMMERCIAL THAT SAID, “FORGET EVERYTHING YOU KNOW ABOUT SLIP COVERS!” SO I DID. WAS A LOAD OFF MY MIND. THEN THE COMMERCIAL TRIED TO SELL ME SLIP COVERS, BUT I DIDN’T KNOW WHAT THE HELL THEY WERE.
[Continue reading] about Mitch Hedberg 24-02-1968 – 29-03-2005Flu is going around
d ;atch Experiencing flu-like symptoms. My wife won’t go near me. Kids have been going outside to play. I’ve been sleeping in our bed, alone. If left untreated, how long does it take for the flu to kill you? I’m willing to roll the dice — @TheKursh
[Continue reading] about Flu is going aroundIn honor of what would have been Mitch Hedberg’s 50th birthday, here’s a picture of him when he was younger.
Someone handed me a picture and sail …This is a Dicture ot me when I was younger.” Every picture of you is when you were younger. “Here’s a Dicture of me when I’m older.” Holy shit lemme see that camera.
[Continue reading] about In honor of what would have been Mitch Hedberg’s 50th birthday, here’s a picture of him when he was younger.Hairier Than Expected
“Being an alcoholic is a lot like being a werewolf. I’ll be hanging out with my friends and I’ll check my watch and think “Okay, If I don’t get out of here in 15 minutes I’m going to ruin everyone’s night.”‘ @thomgraycomedye
[Continue reading] about Hairier Than ExpectedMy Dad Is Cheap
My dad is so.cheap that when he dies he is go)ng to walk • towards the and turn itoff!øe Matin Comedy matincomedy.com /matincomedy You /matincomedy Tube
[Continue reading] about My Dad Is CheapSister had a baby!!
.VVÉABSOLUTELY NO IDEA HOW MUCH NEWBORbi SillPPOSED TO WEIGH @TheKur h TELL ME THE BABY WAS BOR’N AT 27 LBS; I’D.RESPOND WITH “SOUNDS LIKE A HEALTHY KID.”
[Continue reading] about Sister had a baby!!A Royal Divorce
I hope that when Melania eventually divorces Donald she takes half of the country in the settlement. At this point I’d be willing to give her leadership a try, even if it’s just alternate weekends. CharlesTheAverage.com
[Continue reading] about A Royal DivorceCLASSIC!
I thought I was a self-hating Jew; but it turns out I’m just an antisemite.
[Continue reading] about CLASSIC!Nancy’s Video and Ammuntion
i love thi country. The other day I was in-Vermont, and I went o Nanc s Ammuntion. any places in the world can you get a shotgun, shells, and Finding Nem, on DVD? @b igjoebegs
[Continue reading] about Nancy’s Video and AmmuntionEaster is for Everybody
A LOT OF PEOPLE DON’T KNOW THIS, BUT JEWS ACTUALLY CELEBRATE EASTER. EXCEPT, WE DON’T HAVE TO GO OUT AND HUNT FOR ALL OF THOSE PESKY EGGS BECAUSE SOMEBODY ALREADY THREW THEM AT OUR HOUSE. -DAVID POTASHNIK
[Continue reading] about Easter is for EverybodyWhy I can’t be a zombie.
I’d make a terrible zombie. Carbs are too good. I’d be the only one going “Graaaaaains!” www.PhiIJComedy.com @roadsidephil
[Continue reading] about Why I can’t be a zombie.So you’re probably wondering…
you’?e probably wondering… what race is that’ guy anyway? y dad is fvom India, f om apan sus i rom ELEVEA Nai
[Continue reading] about So you’re probably wondering…“President Trump, teen pregnancies are on the rise.”
“President Trump, there’su coli in school lunches.” “Give all the teachers E. coli. Tamby Chan
[Continue reading] about “President Trump, teen pregnancies are on the rise.”