MY BOY SCOUTLEADER SAID WE WERE LEARNING VALUABLE SKILLS BUT ALL WE WAS CITY NOW AND DON’T KNOW WHAT TO DO W TH THOSE I’M THINKING ABOUT KILLING MYSELF JUST SO I CAN TIE A KNOT AGAIN[Continue reading] about boy scouts was a waste of time
‘Donald Trump sad recently that women that get abortions should be punished, which is ironic because we’re all being punished use his mom didn’t get one.” Johnny Taylor @hipsterocracy[Continue reading] about Trump’s Mother
in some cases a Ouija board IS a suicide hotline, if you’re too late. AlexAvery @AlexAveryisdead[Continue reading] about Ouija Board
I had a wet dream about my therapist last night. And by ‘wet dream” I mean I woke up ‘Soaking wet with tears.[Continue reading] about So wet right now
The US can learn from Singapore. In Singapore, if you commit sexual assault, they publicly cane you — being brutally hit with a flayed bamboo rod up to 24 times in a row. In the US, if you commit sexual assault they take away your TV show. Guess how many people sexually assault in Singapore…Not […][Continue reading] about We could learn a thing or two from Singapore
I hate the idea of dying in my 40’s. That would be a bitter pill knowing that the average life expectancy is 78. So then some dickhead would be living to 110 at my expense.[Continue reading] about Life
Trends typically arrive late where I come from. For those who want to know more about the struggle, I published something on it on MySpace. Martin Savoie @MartSL[Continue reading] about I wrote it while listening to a young and promising artist named Amy Winehouse
I dreamt last night that I was bitten on the hand by a snake, and I had to keep sucking the poison and spitting it out. Clearly, it worked, because I woke up, and my pillow was SOAKED with venom. Brandon James @ijamescomedy[Continue reading] about Not Your Usual Wet Dream
At Disneyland if you’re-handicapped get to go to the front of the line… Was that just anther idea Walt got from Hitler? -Nick Griffith[Continue reading] about Disneyland
ASHTON KUTCHER’S NAME SOUNDS LIKE DOG BREEDS. “IS THAT AN ASHTON?’ “YES, BUT HE’S ACTUALLY AN ASHTON-KUTCHER MIX.” “AWWWWWWE!” @XJOHNROSSX[Continue reading] about Ashton Cute-cher!
Black people, am I right? It’s crazy how uncomfortable it makes people when I say that. As a white comedian it’s ill advised to start a joke with the phrase ‘black people’ I think that speaks volumes about how racist the audience is. Because if I start a sentence with the word “pizza, Nobody would […][Continue reading] about Am I right?
I recently learned that Ripley’s Believe it or Not predates the Guinness Book of World Records. I like to think it was originally just called Ripley’s and after too many people objecting he added the rest of the title out of frustration. Which means Ripley had a chance to monopolize the World Record market until […][Continue reading] about Do[n’t] Stop Believing
HISTORY IS A SET OF LIES AGREED UPON. AS IS A CLEAR BROWSER. @NICKOHLESSA[Continue reading] about Like Napoleon said
I’m single and went on that super popular dating website… Craigslist The only girls I met on there wanted to sell crack and rob a bank. Which makes a super awkward first date.[Continue reading] about I’m single and went on that super popular dating website…
What’s the deal with this car being named after me? I mean, it’s got a fucking battery! The thing runs-on direct current! It should be called an Edison, am I right? @NikolaTesla[Continue reading] about The Tesla
You know you have a porn when you can idenify a pornstar just by their asshole. I’m arguing with my friends like: “Dude, that’s totally Peter North”[Continue reading] about Do you have a porn addiction???