I’m sure those massage parlors are wonderful, but nobody gives stress-relieving “happy endings” like Planned Parenthood. @Inf_Adel
[Continue reading] about Once Upon a…The EndSpotty service.
My phone plan advertises “unlimited gigs” but they haven’t even booked me once. @CJHernandez ampa, FL
[Continue reading] about Spotty service.Rainbow glitter has a shelf life
Straight people say to me, “I know you’re married, but are you in an open relationship?” No. We’re just like you. We’re not having sex at all. @MrFairyRoberts stevenrobertscomedian.com
[Continue reading] about Rainbow glitter has a shelf lifeAccording to Malcolm Gladwell, I’m already an expert
I have an interview coming up for a back-office job with Pornhub. I hope they ask me why I’m qualified for the job. Have you ever heard of the 10,000 hour rule? Ty ohen
[Continue reading] about According to Malcolm Gladwell, I’m already an expertNo people were harmed in the making of this joke
Today, I watched an entire theater troupe get hit by a bus, no one really seemed to care since they were actors, notreal people Alex “ery @AIe veryisdead
[Continue reading] about No people were harmed in the making of this jokePass the Nyquil
“I’ve had a cold since January. My spirit animal is a wheezing barn cat.” – – Bob Phillips I @BobTheSuit
[Continue reading] about Pass the NyquilCaucasian Garbage
DAD HAS so MANY D.U.I.’S SCHWINN SENDS MY FAMILY A CHRISTMAS CARD
[Continue reading] about Caucasian GarbageI’m just using it to help me quit reading.
I WONDER IF LIBRARIANS LOOK DOWN 0N KINDLES LIKE THEY’RE VAPES. @NICKOHLESSA
[Continue reading] about I’m just using it to help me quit reading.No people were harmed in the writing of this joke
Today, I watched an entire theater troupe get hit by a bus, no one really seemed to care since they’re actors not real people AlexA ery @AIexÅveryisdead
[Continue reading] about No people were harmed in the writing of this jokeEar holes…
why does a elephant hear nothing? Because his ears are so big it covers his ear holes! @natbaimel
[Continue reading] about Ear holes…Mueller? Mueller? Anyone?
Right now we’re nine months into the Mueller special investigation. So far eighteen people have been indicted, four have already pleaded guilty, and I STILL have conservative friends who believe, ONE HUNDRED PERCENT, that the entire thing is a sham. Donald Trump could be swinging from a rope, and these motherfuckers would be standing there […]
[Continue reading] about Mueller? Mueller? Anyone?Miss this guy #gimmethatwheat
I’ve said ‘I’ve said it before and I’ll say it again’ before but I’ll say ‘I’ve said it before and I’ll say it again’ again. – Harris Wittels
[Continue reading] about Miss this guy #gimmethatwheat#factsAboutmyDad
MY DAD HAD A WARNING SYSTEM IF YOU PARKED OUTSIDE MY HOUSE, IN HIV’SPOT.” éøMEDY @TheKursh 1ST NOTE….ON AFTER WINDOW.
[Continue reading] about #factsAboutmyDadI’m mixed race….
MY mom’s white and my dad’s an asshole. He’s actually Mexiünand people ask if I ever celebraten(ican tradition
[Continue reading] about I’m mixed race….That could save me a Google
I was on my way to work and passed a group of protesters. I was curious what they were there for so as I went by I looked at the signs and it was all pro-life stuff. And I was actually happy that’s what it was. I was glad they were out there standing up […]
[Continue reading] about That could save me a Googleonly in the car
you can’t deny white people are weird, We’ll say things like, “I only use the N-word when singing along to music” that’s great DANIEL, but you only li’ten to COUNTRY AlexAve y @AIexAOeryisdead
[Continue reading] about only in the car