My genetics are brutal. I go to the gym 5 times a week and I still look like a guy who fixes computers for a living withZ the strength of a newborn baby. I am so out of shape. • I was on the treadmill, sweating like crazy. I turned to the lady next to […]
[Continue reading] about My genetics are brutalspecial delivery
Some ne tried to murder me by l”ving an explos•ve package on mV doorstep, its alright, I’m fine honestly couldn’t b 72 ICOUVQt, my neighbors stopped stealing my mail AlexAvery @AlexAveryisdead
[Continue reading] about special deliveryWe’re at an alpaca farm…
Key, I thought Tinder was for casual sex. lwentona Tinder date last week and halfway through I thought, “we’re on a hayride right f now, I’m pretty sure this is just a regular date.” instagram@gregbilletcomedv
[Continue reading] about We’re at an alpaca farm…The critics are saying my depression is effecting my standup. (Didn’t buy upvotes this time fellas) show me love.
The critics are saying my depression is affecting my stand up. “lacks excitement.”
[Continue reading] about The critics are saying my depression is effecting my standup. (Didn’t buy upvotes this time fellas) show me love.Judge For Yourself
The 9 U.S. Supreme Court Judges make $250 000 each, for a total of $2.25 million dollars per year. The judges have to make important and difficult decisions that can affect the lives of the entire country. Ranging from topics such as: discrimination, freedom of speech, among others. Last year Judge Judy made $47 million […]
[Continue reading] about Judge For Yourselfalcoholics not anonymous
WMOMMARRlfDARfCOVfRl/!CALCOH011C.. ICAUHlMW12STfPDAD
[Continue reading] about alcoholics not anonymouspeople keep telling me I need to get in shape
1 ewld barely stand. 1 felt my blood pressure droppi”. 1 got ridieulwsly high. 1 erwehed down to get more blood into my head. As 1 got up from the erweh 1 suddenly feel faint and pass wt. My friends told me 1 acted like 1 was havitw a seizure, fallitw and getting up, Beit’ […]
[Continue reading] about people keep telling me I need to get in shapeIt was the golden age of journalism…
wnen I was a kid I used to believe supermarket tabloids, wilicn made real newspapers seem like tney just weren’t trying nard enougn. “Really NY Times? you went witn ‘Trade Negotiations Enter Ttlird week’? I tnink you Duned today’s lead tnat ANGELS ARE REAL.” (110
[Continue reading] about It was the golden age of journalism…*High five*
My parents have never caught me smoking pot… …but know sober r people dom’tuye their goodnight handshakes
[Continue reading] about *High five*MC Pee Pants
I never understood how someones identity could be fluid Until I realized that fluids have ALWAYS affected who I am When I was little it meant that I was a bedwetter But since I’ve turned 21, what it means NOW is, sometimes I’m able to drive home And sometimes I’m still a MCPEEPANrs
[Continue reading] about MC Pee Pantsjust don’t be religious
they say “all dogs go to eaven” which includes police dogs that’s awful That means even in heaven they’re trying to keep out black people 72 ICOUVQt, AlexAvery @AIexAveryisdead
[Continue reading] about just don’t be religiousParental Advisory
When I was young my parents always told me to study, work hard, go to college, and get a good job, or else I’d end up working in a tech support call center. I did all that, and now I get a calls from my parents saying “Hi, sorry to bug you at work but […]
[Continue reading] about Parental AdvisoryCall of Duty on acid.
My worst acid trip definitely has to be when I played Call of Duty online. Nothing ruins your trip more than thinking about some 13 year old fucking your mom.
[Continue reading] about Call of Duty on acid.On blindness.
186 That’s right, I’m legally blind. I’m proof positive that no matter how good they taste, Tide Pods just aren’t worth it. @danbarraberger
[Continue reading] about On blindness.Worst. Weekend. Ever.
There’s nothing orSt than finding out your extned to herself. And failed.
[Continue reading] about Worst. Weekend. Ever.Making it rain with coins sounds more like rain anyway
If I had a dollar for every time a man told me that the pay gap isn’t real, I’d have a multiple of 77 cents. @broookeheinichen
[Continue reading] about Making it rain with coins sounds more like rain anyway