High school was a fun time for a wanna-be comedian. I had a different audience every hour. I worked hard on jokes in school. If the teacher told us we would be working on the hypotenuse, I would spend the whole night before studying the hypotenuse, trying to find a joke, but I could never […]
[Continue reading] about Math: Not Even OnceHate to break it to you…
Hate your roommate’s cat? Then one of you has gato go!
[Continue reading] about Hate to break it to you…I want to be whipped like Devo.
As I’ve gotten older I have zeroed in on what I’m looking for in a woman. I’m looking for a woman who loves me enough to change literally everything about me. I want to be a project. I want a woman to look at me like she looks at a Pinterest page and a pile […]
[Continue reading] about I want to be whipped like Devo.Chris Purchase on Camping
I don’t understand camping. What are you doing for your holiday?
[Continue reading] about Chris Purchase on CampingI’m like a cartoon character
I’m kind of like a cartoon character, cause I wear the same shirt every day and they never really explain how I pay rent.
[Continue reading] about I’m like a cartoon characterWomen and children first
I dated a girl that was a big one-upper. I’d find a dollar on the street, she’d say she found 20. I had a good day at work, she got a promotion. We’d watch Titanic and she’d say that WAY more than 1200 people went down on her. Pete Stegemeyer @itspeterj
[Continue reading] about Women and children firstSay my name!
My name is spelled Yedoye which, on paper looks like how people used to say “You do you” in Medieval times. Yedoye Travis
[Continue reading] about Say my name!Toilet Math
Did you hear about the constipated mathematician? He worked his problem out with a #2 pencil. Twitter: @Big_Diesel
[Continue reading] about Toilet MathMental/Dental Hygiene
Going to therapy is like flossing. If you don’t do it enough you’ll be in the bathroom bleeding. @PhillipDameron
[Continue reading] about Mental/Dental HygieneYou know when you’re a kid
You know when you’re a kid and you go to the dentist. And if you don’t cry they give you a badge or a sticker, yeah? Well I had a prostate exam today.
[Continue reading] about You know when you’re a kidWeight Loss Goals
I just want to be hot enough that, when I friend you, you automatically assume I’m a bot. Sandra Balan
[Continue reading] about Weight Loss GoalsOne of those times
Sometimes I go like this *uyuh uyuh uyuh* And then I stop This has been one of those times
[Continue reading] about One of those timesTrying to get more active this year.
I’m politically active in the same way I’m sexually active. Pretty much only at my computer. Pete Stegemeyer @itspeterj
[Continue reading] about Trying to get more active this year.I knew something wasn’t right
Last week I thought I had the best bag of weed I ever bought. But I just had a gas leak at my house for a couple days.
[Continue reading] about I knew something wasn’t rightThey only speak out when they have something to hide
You can tell which of your friends are into weird porn by how passionately they advocate for internet privacy.
[Continue reading] about They only speak out when they have something to hideMy mother’s life philosophy.
If you can’t find it at Walmart, you don’t need it. Bert James
[Continue reading] about My mother’s life philosophy.