*slaps knee*
[Continue reading] about The best take of 2017Why does Cracker Barrel look so racist?
I wish Cracker Barrel didn’t looks so racist cause I’d love to eat there one day. Cracker Barrel looks like the Klan hold rallies there before store hours. Forreal though it looks like David Duke holds his fantasy football draft there. I can just hear him yelling at his Klan Buddies “if any of you […]
[Continue reading] about Why does Cracker Barrel look so racist?Wingardium Lasagna
It was super weird to me that religious people get upset over Harry Potter, because isn’t praying over your meal just trying to cast a good luck spell on your food?
[Continue reading] about Wingardium LasagnaGoing into the new year with a laugh
My sister bet me a hundred dollars I couldn’t build a car out of spaghetti. You should’ve seen the look on her face as I drove pasta @Big_Diesel_
[Continue reading] about Going into the new year with a laughStalking Your Enemies
So I was just stalking someone that I’m not cool with, and his instagram story popped up on my phone…which means he could SEE that I was stalking him. So I did the reasonable thing and disabled my entire account. Sandra Balan
[Continue reading] about Stalking Your EnemiesFamily man with a plan
My #1 goal of the new year is to hopefully find a forever home for my four kids. Paul Jensen
[Continue reading] about Family man with a planMy opinion on porn stars
My opinion about porn stars making jokes about facials? It’s a little on the nose. TysonCoxComedy
[Continue reading] about My opinion on porn starsSolid 15
2018 Goals
A lot of celebs write their future self a million dollar check before they’re rich and famous. It motivates them to “make it” in hopes of one day being able to cash it. I sent myself a money order. I know he’s going to need help paying the phone bill.
[Continue reading] about 2018 GoalsPinky Toe
The primary purpose of your pinky toe is to periodically check if your furniture is still hard. @wyattfeegrado
[Continue reading] about Pinky ToeSTRICTLY CONFIDENTIALL
This year Disney will produce its first Nigerian princess movie. They just need to transfer funds into your account to get the process started. @spencatayla
[Continue reading] about STRICTLY CONFIDENTIALLGlasses half full
If you wear a monocle, you probably have 18/20 vision. AlexAvery @AlexAveryisdead
[Continue reading] about Glasses half fullHad to gamble that everyone has seen the meme by now
I’m trying to quit smoking because it’s so bad for you. They say each cigarette takes an hour off your life. The average American male lives to be 72 years old. But I’ve smoke a lot of cigarettes, and I’ve done the math. And if I smoke a cigarette at 11:57PM on New Year’s Eve […]
[Continue reading] about Had to gamble that everyone has seen the meme by nowShe’s got it going on.
Growing up, I had a friend named Stacy and we would like to make fun of her, because like in the song Stacy’s Mom, Her father also left her. Instagram @andrew_whiteboard
[Continue reading] about She’s got it going on.The Truth About Bed Linens
“I had a friend visit me in Philly. He said “What’s this WaWa place I keep seeing everywhere?” I said, “It’s like a gas station convenience store.” He said, “Oh, so it’s like a Sheetz.” I said, “We don’t have Sheetz in Philly.” Well. We do in the suburbs. There’s just a bunch of white […]
[Continue reading] about The Truth About Bed Linens