J’s your THE OTHER HOME AND I SAW A IN FRONT OF A HOUSE THAT SAID ‘TRIVE LIKE VOUR CHILDREN LIVE HERE?’ BUT Dorr HAVE CHILDREN. I’M NOT EVEN MARRIED. THEN STARTED DAYDREAMING ABOUT GETTING MARRIED, HAVE CHILDREN, THAT HOUSE,” THEN A CAR. @DANBUBUTZJR
@MATEENSTEWART The lead singer of “The Cranberries” died, I hope she doesn’t come back as a Zombie, zombie, zombie-ie-ie, Oh.
I spilt my pro activ on some bubble Wråp, so the next da it turned into some pretty confident cellophane. AlexAvery @AIexAveyisdead
8 That’s right, I’m legally blind, I’m proof positive that no matter how good they taste, Tide Pods just aren’t worth it, @danbarraberger t4-A *ENNA
Do you think after the Romans crucified Jesus and raised the cross, they stood back and went…nailed it. Jon Valley @VaIIeyJonathan
Club Illilllebees. At certain locations they close the restaurant at Illidnigllt antlfbecmnes a club because 110t11ing scremns nart,M liKe a chain restaurant because 11011 don’t haue to dress tallCIJ like 11011’re at Club Cracl(er Barrel
If you’re kinky, never date a chinese girl named Wong Ho. Scott Bolander scottbolanclef nbgndpranks.com
I updated my Facebook status to “Woo, Wrestlemainia soon, any predictions?” Someone commented you’ll probably never have sex. Twitter: @jedns
I KNOW I’M IN LOVE… @R2Deepu *WHEN I START COOKING SHIT IN PARCHMENT PAPER”
hey sa all doe go t8 heaven, ven police dog which is awful, that means in heaven they’re ‘ still trying to keep out 72 ICOUVQt, AlexAvery black @AIexAveryisdead
@wordfragments I remember the first time I got high. I ate a giant’bowl of chocolate pudding forgetting’l’mllactose intolerantand I have to saykthat was!the most pleasent diarrhea.
man, fuck California. “but it has the most to offer” 101 what? of course it does. that’s what happens when you monopolize the entirety of warm weather Pacific coastal land: you put a gun to the head of all people trying to live somewhere pleasant and mother fuck in-n-out burger. —a prime example of Californians […]
I love those ass splitting shits that make me question my sexuality follow me on @pandobra twitter v
IF ANYONE EVER ASKS IF MY DOG IS FRIENDLY I ALWAYS SAY YES BUT HE HAS BEEN TO JAIL TWICE.
IM TRYING A NEW DIET TO SAVEA LITTLE MONEY I WILL ONLY EAT GLUTEN IF ITS FREE.
@WORDFRAGMENTS Workoutlingo is gross. +1 askéd’my wife how her workout went and she got all excited and s.id -‘My snatchyis 851bs.” Then I got all excited and had to go work on my clean and jerk.