owning the libs
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standup comedy screencaps
My kids are 3 and 5, which means all they talk about is poop. You ask them what they want for dinner, they say, “Poop!” and laugh. You ask them if they want to watch a movie, they say, “l want to watch poop!” and laugh. I’m going to show them 2 girls 1 cup. […]
I remember the first time I really got punished as a child. I watched as my dad slowly pulled off his leather belt … and stuck it in my mouth so the electric shocks wouldn’t make me bite through my tongue. Scott Bolander @scottbolander www.iantsandpranks.
There’s a new “Passion of the Christ” —movie coming out. “Christ: Resurrection”. That’s the title. Apparently, Mel Gibsons has started stealing movie—titles for his Bible—movies from the Alien—franchisee In that case, I’m looking forward to “Christ vs. Predators” , where Jesus fights his way through the Vatican City.
If you somehow get your sweatshirt back from your ex, you absolutely need to wash it before you wear it again because it will smell just like her and smells are really closely tied to emotion. At best wearing it and smelling her all day will just make you kind of pissed off, at worst […]
I went to a strip club for the first time the other night, and before I went in, I withdrew $100 in cash out of my savings account, which might be the most pathetic thing I’ve ever done. Because there was one night where I wanted to see boobs so badly that I delayed my […]
Home made wine is a lot like a toddler: if you made it, you better like it, because you’re stuck with it. Martin Savoie @MartSL
@MATEENSTEWART I’M GONNA GO SEE-“BLACK PANTHER” WITH SOME BLACK PEOPLE in THEN I’M GONNA GO SEE IT AGAIN DAY, SO I CAN KNOW WHAT llAPiENS IN THE MOVIE.
I went to a strip club for the first time the other night, and before I went in, I withdrew $100 in cash out of my savings account, which might be the most pathetic thing I’ve ever done. Because there was one night where I wanted to see boobs so badly that I delayed my […]
Female Deer Ticks (Ixodesscapularis) are highly effective pathogen vectors anci will sucka host until they are 100x their original size, transmitting diseases and infections Jus likeyour mom