I used my iPhone to order Chipotle so I could support two different types of child labor. @JoeYoungComedy[Continue reading] about While wearing Nike’s
I found out we all have multiple credit scores. Like I checked my app, and it said I had two. One said my credit was “Good.” The other was Accurate. @TysonC0KComedy[Continue reading] about I can’t even afford a color photo.
You know you’re an adult, once you have to make a noise every time you sit or stand. @ErikJMoyer[Continue reading] about Reaching Adulthood
I’m a Capricorn, Libra Rising, Aquarius Moon. Which means I don’t believe in astrology, but I’ll listen when you talk about your interests. @NOAHVBUCKLEY[Continue reading] about Ravenclaw, INTP Rising, April Ludgate Moon
I recently started car shopping. I’m not sure what I want yet. I’m thinking of getting a Tesla. I saw this one review though that said “THIS CAR SUCKS DICK” Now, does that feature cost extra? @De1taRobTV[Continue reading] about Shopping for a Tesla
My mom’s nickname for me when I was a kid was “Bubble”. One day I got curious and asked her why my nickname was “Bubble” She should have lied, but she didn’t. 1 She said “Your nickname is Bubble because you were conceived in the shower”…. Gross It’s still better than my sister’s nickname though: […][Continue reading] about Childhood Nickname
I know I’m not a responsible adult because me watching “The Price is Right” is mostly just me calling my mom and yelling “how much does a washing machine cost?” @TimRossComedy[Continue reading] about Also can I borrow 20 bucks
“I lost over 60 pounds over the course of three years. I was fat and miserable and lost the weight thinking that it would make me hate myself and it did not. That’s the dark little secret of self improvement nobody tells you: in the end you’re still yourself. Now I don’t know what to […][Continue reading] about Definition of insanity
I think the cool thing about being a parent is you get to run a bunch of experiments on your kids. Which is why when I’m a parent I’m going to have two sons. I’m going to circumcise one and not the other, and then just kind of…see how they’re different. “He’s in law school […][Continue reading] about Science Project
THIS YEAR DISNEY WILL PRODUCE ITS FIRST NIGERIAN PRINCESS MOVIE THEY JUST NEED TO TRANSFER FUNDS INTO YOUR ACCOUNT TO GET THE PROCESS STARTED asmcmnn[Continue reading] about Totally confidential.
The most difficult year of marriage is definitely the year they find out you’re cheating. o• @ar ninez[Continue reading] about Marriage story
Facebook forces me to grieve over family members of people I never cared about to begin with. funn manfield[Continue reading] about My Condolences
Whenever I’m with someone who want to do I like to tell them, ‘It’s not peer pressure. It’s just your turn.’ @ErikJMoyer[Continue reading] about Peer Pressure
I bought my 8 year old a Spider-Man encyclopedia. He kept asking how different characters got their powers and I kept giving him the same fake answer. “How did Black Cat get her powers?” “She was bitten by a radioactive black cat.” “How did Scorpion get his powers?” “He was stung by a radioactive scorpion.” […][Continue reading] about Web of Lies
I had sex with a woman who had a portrait tattoo of her dead grandmother on her back. That tattoo says two things about you. #11 love my grandmother #21 hate doggr-style @joewelkie[Continue reading] about Portrait Tattoo
I’ve been gaining weight, but I’m not going to worry until I hit two hundred seventy pounds. As of this morning I weighed two hundred sixty twelve. unemployed alcobolic.con[Continue reading] about Gaining weight