J’s your THE OTHER HOME AND I SAW A IN FRONT OF A HOUSE THAT SAID ‘TRIVE LIKE VOUR CHILDREN LIVE HERE?’ BUT Dorr HAVE CHILDREN. I’M NOT EVEN MARRIED. THEN STARTED DAYDREAMING ABOUT GETTING MARRIED, HAVE CHILDREN, THAT HOUSE,” THEN A CAR. @DANBUBUTZJR[Continue reading] about Parked Car
@MATEENSTEWART The lead singer of “The Cranberries” died, I hope she doesn’t come back as a Zombie, zombie, zombie-ie-ie, Oh.[Continue reading] about Cranberries
I spilt my pro activ on some bubble Wråp, so the next da it turned into some pretty confident cellophane. AlexAvery @AIexAveyisdead[Continue reading] about Proactiv
8 That’s right, I’m legally blind, I’m proof positive that no matter how good they taste, Tide Pods just aren’t worth it, @danbarraberger t4-A *ENNA[Continue reading] about Just because I can see them doesn’t mean I should eat them.
Do you think after the Romans crucified Jesus and raised the cross, they stood back and went…nailed it. Jon Valley @VaIIeyJonathan[Continue reading] about Job Well Done
Club Illilllebees. At certain locations they close the restaurant at Illidnigllt antlfbecmnes a club because 110t11ing scremns nart,M liKe a chain restaurant because 11011 don’t haue to dress tallCIJ like 11011’re at Club Cracl(er Barrel[Continue reading] about Went to the club last week….
If you’re kinky, never date a chinese girl named Wong Ho. Scott Bolander scottbolanclef nbgndpranks.com[Continue reading] about A Man Needs A Name
I updated my Facebook status to “Woo, Wrestlemainia soon, any predictions?” Someone commented you’ll probably never have sex. Twitter: @jedns[Continue reading] about Wrestling.
I KNOW I’M IN LOVE… @R2Deepu *WHEN I START COOKING SHIT IN PARCHMENT PAPER”[Continue reading] about You know you’re in love when…
hey sa all doe go t8 heaven, ven police dog which is awful, that means in heaven they’re ‘ still trying to keep out 72 ICOUVQt, AlexAvery black @AIexAveryisdead[Continue reading] about Heaven
@wordfragments I remember the first time I got high. I ate a giant’bowl of chocolate pudding forgetting’l’mllactose intolerantand I have to saykthat was!the most pleasent diarrhea.[Continue reading] about Just for shits and giggles
I love those ass splitting shits that make me question my sexuality follow me on @pandobra twitter v[Continue reading] about the little pleasures in life
man, fuck California. “but it has the most to offer” 101 what? of course it does. that’s what happens when you monopolize the entirety of warm weather Pacific coastal land: you put a gun to the head of all people trying to live somewhere pleasant and mother fuck in-n-out burger. —a prime example of Californians […][Continue reading] about California, am I right?
IF ANYONE EVER ASKS IF MY DOG IS FRIENDLY I ALWAYS SAY YES BUT HE HAS BEEN TO JAIL TWICE.[Continue reading] about DOGS @JAKEMADAMS
IM TRYING A NEW DIET TO SAVEA LITTLE MONEY I WILL ONLY EAT GLUTEN IF ITS FREE.[Continue reading] about DIETING
I’m a pretty reliable wingman… @aloacaoone …it you wanna go get some ings, your man.[Continue reading] about Wingman