I am single-and went to that super popular dating website* Craigslist. I didn’t find a girl; but I did get a g: free chia pet, wood, and toilet.,., ” • So maybe I can make a girl out of that. Matin Comedy You Tube matincomedy.com /matincomedy /matincomedy
[Continue reading] about I am single and went on that super popular dating website.If your Velocity of hatred (Vh) > 10/minute, your Time to being punched in the face (Tpitf) < 1 minute
In the supermarket, I bore witness to an older man hurling Vietnamese slurs at a woman who had just gotten in line. Sure it’s despicable to be so outwardly raci to a stranger, but I was impressed with the guy’s skill and velocity of hate: He learned the aesthetic and cultural intricacies of the numerous […]
[Continue reading] about If your Velocity of hatred (Vh) > 10/minute, your Time to being punched in the face (Tpitf) < 1 minuteLiving in NYC
You’re not supposed to hook up with people you work with. They say “Don’t shit where you eat.” Whoever came up with the expression never lived in a studio apartment. There’s really not a lot of room; I shit where I do everything. I shit where I eat. I shit where I sleep. I shit […]
[Continue reading] about Living in NYCA wise man once said..,
Old dicks
I always thought it was strange that old guys insist on marching all over the gym locker room totally nude. Then I became an old guy. And realized you want to parade your junk around because your dick is actually the only part of your body that does not get old. I mean— at 48 […]
[Continue reading] about Old dicksField of Dreams
TRIMMING MY BUSH BEFORE HANGING OUT WITHA GUYIWANT TO WITH ISMYOWN PERSONAL DREAMS… IFYOUSHAVEIT, THEY CUM. OLIVIA SMITH @OGBREADEDSHRIMP
[Continue reading] about Field of DreamsAnime is art.
A lot of people don’t like anime because they feel like it objectifies women. But if they just gave anime a chance, they’d realize… There re so ma Sr easons to not like a •me. ohn Walter-.Stock ‘napchat* estocklett
[Continue reading] about Anime is art.It was a difficult semester considering that we are no longer allowed within 300 feet of a school
I recently did a semester abroad in China with a distractingly white Scandinavian buddy of mine named Liam. Being so white in China attracted a “D-List celebrity” level of attention where constantly be stared at and photographe On the way to class one day, a couple approached us for a photo and hand their baby […]
[Continue reading] about It was a difficult semester considering that we are no longer allowed within 300 feet of a schoolFree the Booby-Traps
If you think you “need” a gun to protect your family and home, you’ve clearly never seen Home Alone•l or 2, Adel Alizadeh @Inf_Adel
[Continue reading] about Free the Booby-TrapsMy Rain Plan
11m writing a sequel to Rain Man called Rain Men, but instead of Tom Cruise’s character, it’ll have two Dustin Hoffmans. And instead of a well thought out card counting heist; it’ll have two guys doing 3 hours of Who’s on First in a casino lobby. 11m also writing the prequel, Rain Woman: Identical plot […]
[Continue reading] about My Rain PlanI make a lot of jokes about Republicans…
I make a lot of jokes about Republicans, and I know that’s kind of one-sided. I’ve tried to balance it out but I haven’t been able to think of anything funny to say about the Democratic Party, may it rest in peace. – Dan Marse-Kapr @danmarsekapr
[Continue reading] about I make a lot of jokes about Republicans…Frankie Boyle on absentees
What’s those two empty seats in the middle there? This is meant to be sold out! A hope they’re dead in a fuckin’ car crash!
[Continue reading] about Frankie Boyle on absenteesA Wrinkle in Time joke
QyUib A Wrinklein Time t’s a great gt8ry. Bu the movie could hav used more updating. I mean, in this day and age, it’sjust not believable that time fft heard of Botox. OLaelGold
[Continue reading] about A Wrinkle in Time jokeTFW you get invited up to her roof
I’m a bad lover. I had sex wifh a girl on her building’s roof, then asked er how it was. She jumped. /@sebfazio
[Continue reading] about TFW you get invited up to her roofHappy International Women’s Day
@Mat ECONTACT C YOUR CO I know women are better than men because no woman has ever wrote a song about how she doesn’t deserve the man she’s with.
[Continue reading] about Happy International Women’s DayAfter Death
BEEN THINKING A LOT ABOUT WHAT HAPPENS AFTER WE DIE. I ONLY SEE A FEW OPTIONS. HEAVEN, HELL, REINCARNATION, OR A FADE TO BLACK. I’M AGNOSTIC. I HOPE I GET A FADE TO BLACK, THEN A BOX POPS UP THAT SAYS “ARE YOU STILL WATCHING” NATHAN HART @STARVINGHARTIST
[Continue reading] about After Death