I don’t workout to improve anything. I don’t have a plan, like “Back and bi’s” or “Chest and Tri’s”. I look in the mirror before I leave the house, and workout whatever was the fattest. — @TheKursh
[Continue reading] about Working OutHouse full of women
Both my daughters sleep clutching security stuffed animals. One has a lamb the other has a puppy. I sleep clutching my wallet, cause I live in a house full of women. www.markpoolos.com @themarkpoolos
[Continue reading] about House full of womenLeave them alone!
HATING.ONJEWSISAUTTLE TIREDÄTTHISPOINT. I MEAN COME OLWHAT ARE YOU THE 18TH REICH*
[Continue reading] about Leave them alone!What you just watching this shit?
They will shoot a hundred people in Vegas and somebody will come on t.v. and they’ll just talk like, “Hey, you know, guns don’t kill people. People kill people. As a matter of fact if the gunman had a knife, he could have stabbed a hundred people to death. ” If a hundred people ever […]
[Continue reading] about What you just watching this shit?I’m fine everything’s fine
insta: @bleezay I started seeing a psychiatrist recently, which is the best thing I COUId have done for myself. Now I have a medicine for every problem: Klonopin so I don’t think I’m about to be killed at any given moment. Zoloft so I don’t kill myself at any given moment. And Adderall so if […]
[Continue reading] about I’m fine everything’s finePonytail
My 5 yr old learned how to create a pony tail. She was so excited. I asked her “can you do a ponytail on daddy?” she said, “I can’t Daddy. …. you’re too FAT!” @TheKursh
[Continue reading] about Ponytail??Gender Reveal Party??
“A lot of my friends are getting married and having kids and I am always supportive. However, none of them show up when I decide to throw Gender Reveal party for my food baby.” @themikesicoli
[Continue reading] about ??Gender Reveal Party??A confusing way to start a standup shot
‘”There’s something important you need to know about me’ Is a cliché way to start a book’ Is an effective way to start a book review’ Is a weird way to start a standup set Ty ohen
[Continue reading] about A confusing way to start a standup shotFairytales are just SAD stories.
The story of Sleeping Beauty was always so sad to me. Her parents moved her into the foresQ.:.- Fairy$odmothers that I thinkwere just sponsors. Because, all they had to do was keep her from poking herself with a needle. CALLED REHAB. @NickyBernal
[Continue reading] about Fairytales are just SAD stories.Equal rights!
SOME PEOPLE SW WOMEN AREN’T FUNNY. SW THE ACOUSTICS IN KITCHENS JUST SUCK. ONE ESCO
[Continue reading] about Equal rights!My dad asked me what the movie, “The Ring” was about.
My dad was asking me what the movie “The Ring” was about. I said, “it’s a horror movie about a woman: you can’t get rid of, who drains your life’ over time, and then tries to kill you.’;’ He said, “l don’t want to watch a movie about getting married.” Matin Comedy You Tube matincomedy.com […]
[Continue reading] about My dad asked me what the movie, “The Ring” was about.It’s a booby trap!
insta: @bleezay Tomi Lahren is to the far right what Daenerys is to Game of Thrones: people keep in just in she her tits one day
[Continue reading] about It’s a booby trap!Who’s Had More Sex?
THE OTHER UP TO ME 10K AS MUCHSEKEASIYOU!VEÆAD” AND I WAS LIKE, “JOKE’S 0N you. CUZ IS STILL O…YOU LOSER
[Continue reading] about Who’s Had More Sex?Single lady’s folly
I remember how expensive it was being single. let gumuy me drinks on dates. I use to buy_them drinks eall night long, just so I could make usure everything they drank had pineapple juice in it. @NickyBernaI
[Continue reading] about Single lady’s follyGarfield
Why did John from Garfie feed His cat so much lasagna? One time I tried to feed my cat And he had diarrhea for three days Rest In Peace Mile Davis
[Continue reading] about GarfieldYou got a pointy little nose
Where the ass eaters in the crowd? *a few people woo* yeah, hell yea my man right here? You get that nose in the mix? You got a pointy little nose *silence for a seconds while I probably mime putting ur nose in an asshole* My man eats ass with his nose! Hell yea dude, […]
[Continue reading] about You got a pointy little nose