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I have a conspiracy theory you all fuckin buy bots!
standup comedy screencaps
I saw an item on the menu that said “Chef’s recommendation” What is au the other stuff then? Is the chef Just Like “I could make it…” “I would NOT recommend it” @RichardSarvate
I have a conspiracy theory. I believe that all conspiracy theories were made up by the companies who sell red string. Who really makes money off of conspiracy theories? Staples. Jeremy Kaplowitz I @jeremysmiles
MY FRIEND RECENTLY GOT A SMART FRIDGE WITH AN ENORMOUS BUILT-IN DISPLAY. ITS AMAZING. WE ENDED UP WATCHING VIDEOS OF STRIPPERS SHAKING THEIR ASSES ON IT. WE ALSO ENDED UP GETTING A VIRUS ON IT AND ALL HIS FOOD INSTANTLY @ALWOSAIBI ON INSTAGRAM
To my surprise, I passed a crowded street vendor in Vietnam that proudly sold and advertised dog meat. It’s tough finding out that some stereotypes are true but it has me wondering if there’s some merit to them. Like, maybe to be a better Jew, I need to switch into banking and start growing out […]
It’s 2018 and I can use any bathroom that I want to If I walk out of a women’s restroom and someone Looks at me weird I Just go, HEY You don’t know my story @RichardSarvate
my mom is an atheist, but for some reason she still had both her kids circumcised. I mean, it worked out okay for me, but it sucked for my sister. -NickScott
l’ I wanted to make my marriage proposal a surprise, so I proposed on my birthday. They nevpr exoect that right? It’s like, its my birthday, it’s blowjob day. So I got down on one knee and said, ‘Will you be, my tax deduction?” She said, “Oh my god! I make more money than you. […]
“I wonder if parents in shithole countries have to tell their idiot kids not to eat Tide laundry pods.” – Bob Phillips I @BobTheSuit
EVERYONE IN LOS ANGELES IS SO BEAUTIFUL, EVEN THE HOMELESS PEOPLE! SOME HOMELESS GUY ASKED ME FOR A DOLLAR THE OTHER DAY AND I TOLD HIM A DOLLAR AS LONG AS YOU DON’T USE IT TO BUY SKIN TONER YA BUM!”
James Myers @MisterJMyers IVe been loving that show on TLC with the little people. Its hilarious that they justify low-budget xploitation in the name ot being progressive. he show is literally just small people sti ggling with tuba music in the backround. ‘We just want to show that little people are like everyone Wh people? […]
I have a conspiracy theory. I believe that all conspiracy theories were made up by the companies who sell red string. Who really makes money off of conspiracy theories? Staples. Jeremy Kaplowitz I @jeremysmiles